Will flash back at a later time

I will have to flash back at a later time. Today I really just want to vent and let off some steam. I went for my initial IVF work up today.

I met with my nurse for a little IVF 101 today. It was somewhat overwhelming. On the first day of my period through day 13 of my cycle, I have to give myself 3 subcutaneous injections daily. These injections are to stimulate follicle/egg development.

I am a little scared and overwhelmed. My doctor, who by the way is really great, cannot promise us a successful pregnancy. So I have to go through all this and not know for sure if it will work. How do I apply my faith here? And I did something that was not very smart today. I decided to goggle my diagnosis and for anyone who is familiar with goggle, it can be really depressing and discouraging. Not very smart. All the time I was surfing, I was getting convicted. Instead of reading my bible and basing my faith on what God has said. I went online to base my faith on what the experts say and to further depress myself. WHOSE REPORT DO I BELIEVE? Who do I believe? Do I believe what the experts say, or do I place my trust in my God?

Simply Stated, In all my mixed up emotions, through my tears, fears and doubts a couple of things stand out in my mind as I can’t clearly articulate my thoughts. I am in love with my lord and savior Jesus Christ and I know He loves me even more and all things will work out for my good. And through it all I want to come out in His perfect will. I want to go through this process and not come out scarred or bitter regardless of the outcome. I want to be able to count my blessing and be grateful for all I have. I know God places desires in our hearts for His glory. So weather or not my desires are fulfilled this side of heaven, I want my life to give Him glory. Lord take my life; my joys hurts, fears and dreams and use them for your glory in Jesus name. Amen.