Journey

My journey began almost 2 years ago when my husband and I decided to have another baby. Our first child was a preschooler, and we felt it was time to have another baby, and after our first try I was pregnant. Needless to say I was ecstatic. A couple of months later however, I had a miscarriage. So, we waited a couple of months and decided to try again. And nothing happened.

We had a couple of test conducted and it was discovered that I was going into the early stages of menopause. I was in my late 20's at the time. My reactions ranged from "This doctor is a quack sweetheart" to speechlessness. I was what? Is someone playing a very bad joke on me.

So here I am. The doctors say our only hope of conceiving is through IVF. Which morally I have no real problems with but this has/had been my dilemma through all of this. I have always believed every syllable of the bible (or at least I thought I did). The bible is full of scripture about healing, and miracles. So naturally I began to pray for a miracle of a baby in my life. I have prayed and believed for a miracle every month for the past year and a half. And still no baby. I have cried, prayed and still no baby. I began to wonder, am I approaching this situation from the right perspective, with the right attitude? And over course of these months my moods/attitudes towards God have been Anger, pleading, confusion, distrust and faithlessness. "What do you want from me Lord, I don't get it?", I scream in my heart and soul..... And one day these words were dropped in my heart. "I WANT EVERYTHING".

To give everything of me. My goodness Lord, that is a lot. How do I do that lord? My Lord!!!!

I will rewind back a couple of years on my next post.