My Husband

This past weekend I was a basket case; with me spotting and all.

This post is to tell my husband who I know sneaks here every once in a while that he is the best. He stuck with me, encouraging me and propping up my faith. Thank you babe. I am truly lucky (on some days) to be married to you. Loads of love and to many more years together. I love you.

Songs of Solomon 2: 3-6

And compared to other youths, my lover is like the finest apple tree in the orchard. I am seated in his delightful shade, and his fruit is delicious to eat. He brings me to the banquet hall, so everyone can see how much he loves me. Oh, feed me with your love--your `raisins and your `apples--for I am utterly lovesick! His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me.

Sailing Along

There is nothing much to report. I have been so busy catching up on the things that were ignored during the IVF process. Work. I have not caught up on cleaning the house. Standing gives me cramps. Well that aside. My bible study time has been focusing on Romans 12: 1-2;

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will

I read this scripture a while back and it has tayeded in my heart for a while. I have tried moving on to no avail. I find myself back here. The lesson/principle/truth hidden in the above scripture is life changing. I have thought/meditated/prayed about it, and I pray it becomes a lifestyle for me. Over the next couple of days/weeks I will try and discuss the lessons I have learned. Discuss what God reveals to me

Pregnancy: I am fine. Tired and nauseousus if I don't eat. I have another doctor'appointmentnt on Mondayay to check my HCG levels (pregnancy hormone levels), then I think I have one more blood check after that. Then an ultrasound.

Scare

It is 1:55am and I started spotting about an hour ago. Needless to say I am besides myself. I am sitting her beside my sleeping husband. We have prayed and he believes all will be well. A small part of me believes it too. Oh but if it were not true.

I believe all will be well. The spotting has stopped for now.

All I have been able to say is Jesus Jesus Jesus non stop. His name is the only thing that has calmed me. I am not going to bed yet. I can't possibly sleep. I want to wait this one out. Jesus please.

Oh and I just found out steve Irwin was dead. I loved that show. feels like I lost a friend. Loved his enthusiasm. If only we had a passion for God like that. May God grant peace to his young family.

Bye Bye TV

I don't know if I could ever find this funny. I know my husband would be brought to tears. But being an outside observer it is kinda hilarious

Morning sickness has set in. But thankfully it is truly morning sickness, but mid-afternoon I am fine. I have no appetite although everything still is edible. I am not repulsed by everything yet. I am also not very useful for the most part of the day. Today for instance I woke up with a throbbing headache, barely made it out of the house and was on my couch till now. I just had dinner so I feel fine. Just and updated. No complains though as sad as it sounds I am enjoying every minute.

Positive Pregnancy Test

I really can't say how I feel. To want something for so long and then it happen. I got a positive home pregnancy test. As I watched the sign turn to a plus I was in mini shock. It was a 5 am in the morning. I couldn't cry, I could not laugh. I just starred at it. The plus sign I had hoped to see every month for the last 2 years. There it was.

The other day I was at the store and I had not had anything to eat and it was almost 1pm. I almost passed out at the check our lane. Ist sign. And then all of a sudden I have no appetite for food. I forget to eat till it is dinner time, absolutely nothing appeals to me. 2nd sign cause I love to eat. Finally heartburn. I get heartburn maybe 2ice a year. I have had it almost everyday for the last four days. It was the heartburn that prompted me to take the HPT.

Instead of rejoicing I felt so bad for not trusting and believing God. I felt so bad for my lack of faith. It is a growing process. And I know He uses signs and wonders to build our faith. This has been a trust building process for me. Why did I have to go through all this to get here, I may never know. But I have to trust that it is for my good. The bible says all things (good and bad things) work out for our good. And although this process was hard for me, there are millions in the world who go through worse daily. I live in a home I love, sleep next to a man I adore. Live in the land of the free. I really do not have much to complain about. But He is concerned about what concerns me, and only heaven knows why I went into menopause at such a young age only heaven knows. But I trust that He knows best and it is for my good. I am getting closer to the point where I say. Lord I hate this, it is not my way, it is not what I want, my heart is breaking, but I WILL TRUST YOU.

I am not there yet, but I am one step closer than I was 2 years ago. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. This part of my journey is over. I have another ahead of me. In 9 months we are going to have a baby. It is going to take faith, it is going to take trusting God that all will be well. More trust steps need to be taken. Lord I pray they are less painful. My heart is open and as I learn to trust you completely. Blood test in the doctor's office is on tuesday. Then Ultrasound shortly after.

HPT

I give in. I am going to do a home pregnancy test.