Out of Nowhere

I have been out of pocket for a while because I have had nothing to blog about. But life holds lots of surprises. Out of nowhere I have missed my period and I am pregnant. I took no fertility pills and was evenafraid my premature menopause had advanced, but to my shock the HPT was positive.

So here I am blogging again. I have my first prenatal visit tomorrow. I am cautiously optimistic. But optimistic nonetheless. My doctors told me it will never happen, but here I sit..........................

Weight Loss

May 3rd

Weight this morning; 155 pounds
Current BMI: 23.6

my-calorie-counter.com The webs free Carb Counter

Weight Loss

Like Millions of people across our planet I made the resolution to loose some weight. My son is four, I think I should stop using him as an excuse. Well, I have been pregnant 2 other times, but I can't use that either. LOL. Here are my stats.

Height: 5' 8
Starting Weight: 172 pounds,
Starting BMI: 26.1 - Overweight.
Weight loss plan: Exercise and reduced portions - Can't Diet
Start Date: January 28th, 2007
Target Date: Whenever it happens - OK June.
Weight Today: 160 pounds (Progress has been made)
Current BMI: 24.3 no longer overweight
Target Weight: 145 pounds
Target BMI: 22. Right smack in the middle of normal

For the month of April, I intend to workout 4 days a week for an hour and 15 minutes a day on the treadmill, and do a workout video 20mins a day twice a week. I hope to loose another 2 - 5 pounds this month. So by June I should be close to my target weight. Please keep me in your prayers. I weighted 158.5 last week, gained a pound and a half.

my-calorie-counter.com    The webs free Food Log

Daily Trusting

The longer I live and the more I know, the less I understand. Some days I find myself not getting it, not understanding why some things happen. I got a call from a friend today who is expecting her baby tomorrow; her brother-in-law passed away on Sunday as his family waited for him to come home for Easter dinner.

So at a time when they should be expectant and excited they are mourning. He would have turned 40 in May. This same family lost their father last September. A horrible loss in the course of a year.

As I have mentioned earlier I believe doubt and fear arise from not trusting God. I learning to trust God's sovereignty. I am learning to trust Him with the little things and the big things. Trust Him that not being able to have another child is for His glory, trusting Him that my daily doldrums will give Him glory. Trusting Him that one day all this will be over and more importantly I will be with Him in paradise where there will be no more tears, no more pain. No more tears - can't wait

Revelation 21:4

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

This song has been a blessing to me especially when my reality is far from my dreams. I put my trust in you Lord, give me your dreams for my life.

Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

Chorus: But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to meI will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling meTime and time again. "Boy you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the groundAnd the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' downI will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Wanting More

Do I want more kids? I often wonder these days if I want more kids. don't get me wrong I would love to have more babies, very few things will give me more joy than carry a pregnancy to term and have a healthy baby at the end of it all. But more and more theses days I am learning contentment. And what is interesting is that the more I learn contentment the more peace I have and the easier it is to accept things.

God's plans are not mine. He is God all by himself and if I am going to trust Him I have to trust Him with all of my life; the good and the seemingly bad, the explainable and the unexplained. Then and only then can we have peace.

An Inward Change

I was doing some bible study and came across this scripture from Matthew that convicted and challanged me.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel."Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. Matthew 23: 23-32

A couple of years ago I was really puzzled by the Pharisees in the bible, how did they miss Jesus. How did they miss the very thing they were looking for?
By the grace of God, I have come to realize that I am not much different than they are. As a Christian, it is so easy to act the part and not let Jesus truly change the heart. I reflect on my own life, and think about my secret sins; my prideful and selfish heart that seeks my way above anyone else’s, my unruly tongue. The list goes on and on. But it is interesting how easy it is to loose focus of those things and focus on the outward appearance of righteousness. Everyone in church can look beautiful and smile, but what happens when no other Christian is looking? We can have the outward appearance of Christ (like a crucifix around our necks like I do, or a bumper sticker, or our weekly church attendance) but then curse like a sailor, or be rude to a customer service representative like I did today, tell a small white lie basically act like we don't know Jesus once we are outside the four walls of church. I does not matter what I look like when I go to church, Jesus would not ask me that when I get to heaven, but I can be sure He would ask me about my heart and how I treated others. I want Jesus to change my heart. I want to have His heart. I want to be able to be like Him in everything I do. And more importantly recognize Him in the eyes of a crying mother, in the eyes of a hurting world; see Him because I am sure He is all around. I don't want to miss Jesus because I am so caught up in my world, my pain and my “problems”. I never again want to strain a gnat and then swallow a camel, clean up the outside of a cup and then leave the inside filthy and disgusting. More than anything, I pray Jesus cleans the inside of my heart, so I have His heart, and I am able to love as He loves. I want the real deal, and not just pretense. I am open Lord, please change my heart.