Positive Pregnancy Test

I really can't say how I feel. To want something for so long and then it happen. I got a positive home pregnancy test. As I watched the sign turn to a plus I was in mini shock. It was a 5 am in the morning. I couldn't cry, I could not laugh. I just starred at it. The plus sign I had hoped to see every month for the last 2 years. There it was.

The other day I was at the store and I had not had anything to eat and it was almost 1pm. I almost passed out at the check our lane. Ist sign. And then all of a sudden I have no appetite for food. I forget to eat till it is dinner time, absolutely nothing appeals to me. 2nd sign cause I love to eat. Finally heartburn. I get heartburn maybe 2ice a year. I have had it almost everyday for the last four days. It was the heartburn that prompted me to take the HPT.

Instead of rejoicing I felt so bad for not trusting and believing God. I felt so bad for my lack of faith. It is a growing process. And I know He uses signs and wonders to build our faith. This has been a trust building process for me. Why did I have to go through all this to get here, I may never know. But I have to trust that it is for my good. The bible says all things (good and bad things) work out for our good. And although this process was hard for me, there are millions in the world who go through worse daily. I live in a home I love, sleep next to a man I adore. Live in the land of the free. I really do not have much to complain about. But He is concerned about what concerns me, and only heaven knows why I went into menopause at such a young age only heaven knows. But I trust that He knows best and it is for my good. I am getting closer to the point where I say. Lord I hate this, it is not my way, it is not what I want, my heart is breaking, but I WILL TRUST YOU.

I am not there yet, but I am one step closer than I was 2 years ago. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. This part of my journey is over. I have another ahead of me. In 9 months we are going to have a baby. It is going to take faith, it is going to take trusting God that all will be well. More trust steps need to be taken. Lord I pray they are less painful. My heart is open and as I learn to trust you completely. Blood test in the doctor's office is on tuesday. Then Ultrasound shortly after.