Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

This song has been a blessing to me especially when my reality is far from my dreams. I put my trust in you Lord, give me your dreams for my life.

Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

Chorus: But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to meI will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling meTime and time again. "Boy you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the groundAnd the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' downI will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Wanting More

Do I want more kids? I often wonder these days if I want more kids. don't get me wrong I would love to have more babies, very few things will give me more joy than carry a pregnancy to term and have a healthy baby at the end of it all. But more and more theses days I am learning contentment. And what is interesting is that the more I learn contentment the more peace I have and the easier it is to accept things.

God's plans are not mine. He is God all by himself and if I am going to trust Him I have to trust Him with all of my life; the good and the seemingly bad, the explainable and the unexplained. Then and only then can we have peace.

An Inward Change

I was doing some bible study and came across this scripture from Matthew that convicted and challanged me.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel."Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. Matthew 23: 23-32

A couple of years ago I was really puzzled by the Pharisees in the bible, how did they miss Jesus. How did they miss the very thing they were looking for?
By the grace of God, I have come to realize that I am not much different than they are. As a Christian, it is so easy to act the part and not let Jesus truly change the heart. I reflect on my own life, and think about my secret sins; my prideful and selfish heart that seeks my way above anyone else’s, my unruly tongue. The list goes on and on. But it is interesting how easy it is to loose focus of those things and focus on the outward appearance of righteousness. Everyone in church can look beautiful and smile, but what happens when no other Christian is looking? We can have the outward appearance of Christ (like a crucifix around our necks like I do, or a bumper sticker, or our weekly church attendance) but then curse like a sailor, or be rude to a customer service representative like I did today, tell a small white lie basically act like we don't know Jesus once we are outside the four walls of church. I does not matter what I look like when I go to church, Jesus would not ask me that when I get to heaven, but I can be sure He would ask me about my heart and how I treated others. I want Jesus to change my heart. I want to have His heart. I want to be able to be like Him in everything I do. And more importantly recognize Him in the eyes of a crying mother, in the eyes of a hurting world; see Him because I am sure He is all around. I don't want to miss Jesus because I am so caught up in my world, my pain and my “problems”. I never again want to strain a gnat and then swallow a camel, clean up the outside of a cup and then leave the inside filthy and disgusting. More than anything, I pray Jesus cleans the inside of my heart, so I have His heart, and I am able to love as He loves. I want the real deal, and not just pretense. I am open Lord, please change my heart.

Happy Birthday Jesus

Trust in the Lord

Right after my miscarriage, I came to a crossroad in my walk with the Lord. I had believed and prayed that this baby would be healthy and come to full term. Needless to say I was devastated after the miscarriage and questioned my faith. However I choose to trust God despite my loss and lack of understanding.

It is easy for me to praise God when things are going smoothly. It is easy to believe every word of the bible when one is not faced with trials, but God's word does not become a lie when things go wrong. The bible says that rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. It would be completely naive of me to expect that no bad thing will happen to me. Bad and unpleasant things will happen to us all. It is a part of life, inevitable. So it seems to go without saying that God is still God when life seems unbearable. He is unchanging. I truly believe it is when one goes through a rough time the honesty of ones faith and beliefs are tested. I can't say that I understand it all, but I trust in God. God and the bible don’t make complete sense to me, but He sees my end from my beginning, and also that of my baby and he knows best. To a certain extent, I feel the integrity of my faith has been tested.

I was cleaning out an old diaper bag during the week and I came across a memory verse card that was given to my son when he was a baby. I read it again tonight and tears came to my eyes as the assurance of God flooded my heart; "Blessed are those who trust in the Lord.... They are like trees planted along a river bank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat, or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves are green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8.

I would love to say that I am not bothered by the heat or droughts in my life, they bother me quite a bit sometimes, but I will trust in the Lord at all times, even when it hurts. And I am thankful I do not have the fruits of bitterness or envy. That despite my bad days, I can genuinely smile, laugh, give babies big hugs and kisses, and most important of all trust and sing praises to My Lord.

This Christmas

As Christmas approaches, I find that I get caught up in the gift giving and meal planning. One has to make a conscious effort to keep in mind what happened on that day 2000 years ago. Jesus my savior was born; born to die for every selfish thought, mean word, and, prideful act to name a few I commit. It is more than a day off, it is a day that cut time in half, and changed the world forever. God came to us, it is mind boggling.

This year however, I would like to approach Christmas differently by focusing His life. As a Christian I often focus on his teaching and attempt to live as He lived. This year I would like to focus on how life was for Jesus. Wonder what He did on His 17th birthday, Did He like apples or grapes? And although I may not get answers this side of heaven, I believe meditating on these things would humanize Him more for me. And help me even appreciate His birth for two reasons. One that God as awesome as He is would come into this world as a man (with all our limitations) for me, and secondly that Jesus fully human would choose to lay down His life for me before while I was still a sinner. Just a thought

To my Husband, my love, my hero

If I caught the world in a bottle and everything was still beneath the moon

Without your love would it shine for me?

If I was smart as Aristotle

And understood the rings around the moon

What would it all matter if you loved me?

Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still

With a million dreams to fulfill

And a matter of moments until the dancing ends

Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear

Not a solitary thing would I fear

Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end

Song: Until, Artist: Sting

I pray our dancing never comes to an end.... Thank you for all your love and support, you truly are me hero.

Ina's Corner

Today on Ina's corner, we have buffalo chicken wings. Trust me these are really really good. Not the healthiest of recipes but then again one does not make them everyday.

Like I mentioned before I especially love her recipes because they are easy to follow. When you get a chance catch her show on the Food Network, it is Barefoot contessa

16 chicken wings (about 3 pounds)
1/4 pound (1 stick) unsalted butter
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
4 teaspoons Frank's Hot Sauce, or 1 teaspoon Tabasco
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 1/2 cups crumbled Gorgonzola or other blue cheese
1 cup good mayonnaise
3/4 cup sour cream
2 tablespoons milk
3/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Celery sticks, for servingPreheat the broiler.

Cut the chicken wings in thirds, cutting between the bones. Discard the wing tips. Melt the butter and add the cayenne, hot sauce, and salt. Put the wings on a sheet pan and brush them with the melted butter. Broil them about 3 inches below the heat for 8 minutes. Turn the wings, brush them again with the butter, and broil for 4 more minutes or until cooked.

For the sauce, place the blue cheese, mayonnaise, sour cream, milk, Worcestershire, salt, and pepper in the bowl of a food processor fitted with a steel blade. Process until almost smooth.

Serve the chicken wings hot or at room temperature with the blue cheese dip and celery sticks.

Copyright 2002, Barefoot Contessa Family Style

I love to cook, it is very therapeutic for me. Cutting ingredients, mixing flavors, the aroma, the finished product and of course "Mummy this is good" from my three year old is priceless.

Hello Again

It has been a min. I needed time to sort through my emotions. Can't say that I am completely fine, but I am feeling better each day. Loosing cookie was really hard and despite all the complications, somewhat unexpected.

At first I really missed my baby, kinda wired but it hurt that she/he was gone. As time has gone by, I feel better physically and mentally. I will blog some more later.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for us, we truly appreciate it.

God bless

Bye bye love

Hello all, It is sad to report that I had a miscarriage on wednesday. I was 10 weeks 5 days. Please keep us in your prayers.

Pregnancy Update

I am now exactly 10 weeks pregnant. I am still bleeding but my doctor is not too concerned about it, as the baby (aka cookie) is growing very well. My next ultra sound is on Tuesday. It is always nice to see cookie. I heard the heartbeat at my last visit two weeks ago, and that was very heart warming.

More and more each day, I am learning to let go of the fear and control, because at this point the only thing I can do is slow my pace. The bleeding cannot really be controlled. So I am trusting God in this, after all He knows what is best for me.

And like Charles Spurgeon says; "No man can do me a truer kindness in this world than to pray for me."

Life in the Spirit

My devotional a couple of days ago lead me to the famous John 3 and this time the scripture that caught my attention was John 3: 5-6 and it reads; Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.

Being pregnant gave me a new revelation on this scripture; No one wakes up in the morning and says "today I want to be a Christian" out of our own free will, usually one comes under conviction of their sin and realize their need for Jesus and then give their lives to Jesus. From conviction to salvation it is the work of the spirit, it is a revelation. He leads us and if we respond to him a new Christian is born. It almost works that way with a little baby; it is through the act of husband and wife that a child is conceived. And just as an 8 week old baby cannot survive outside of the mother, so it is with a new born Christian.

We cannot get saved on our own hence we cannot stay saved without the tender nurturing care of the Holy Spirit. Just as a child needs his mama, so do we need the Holy Spirit. We need Him to feed us the word, we need Him to hug us with His presence everyday, and we need Him to remind us of the love of God, to guide us through this maze of life. And unlike a child who out grows total dependence on a mother, we can never outgrow our need for the daily guidance of the Holy Spirit.

It is a comfort to know that everyday of my life He will the right there with me, nurturing me, guiding me, protecting me and loving on me. No one else can be that for us, not even our mothers. Hence the scripture refers to the Holy Spirit and Living Water, we need Him to survive.

Do you have a Yesterday?

Do you have a yesterday that can heal someone's today? Have you gone through a rough patch and feel you have learned nothing from it? Well it has been my experience that the hard things I go through, my trials and tribulations later become a testimony and encouragement for someone else.

The bible teaches us that God always uses the bad things/experiences in our lives to teach and heal us. But what is even more beautiful and amazing is that in time the rough patch you come out of will later act as encouragement to someone else.

The question then arises, why do we have to go through rough patches, why do we have to experience losses. While there may be numerous theories the bible teaches that we live in a fallen world where we have our free will. If I choose to wake up tomorrow and not get out of bed and not do a thing, I can do it God does not control what I do. It is the same for all of us including murders, God does not control our actions hence the reactions are our responsibility. Sometime I wonder why God gave us free will, but I guess it is the beauty of a relationship with him, He wants us to choose Him and His ways, forced love can never be true love.There are somethings we bring upon ourselves, and there are other things we don't like a miscarriage or the like. We live in a world where evil prevails, somethings we will never understand this side of heaven, that is a given.

But rough patches don't last forever and eventually the tears I cry today will become the pool of my life experiences. I can choose to be bitter and not learn from my bad experiences, but on the other hand I can let God help me let go of the pain and hurt and reach out to someone else in pain and use my painful yesterday to bring encouragement and hope to someone's bad, rough today.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank "S'" for checking in on me and encouraging me. It truly has blessed me. I am now 9weeks 2days slow and steady, but we are surely moving forward.

Ina's Spot

One of my favorite shows to watch is the barefoot contessa which airs on the Food Network. The host of the show Ina Garten, is on my list of people I would absolutely love to meet. A self taught chef, her recipes are simple, easy to follow and most of the ingredients can be found in your pantry.

I am going to try and have an Ina corner every now and then. In Ina's corner today I am going to share with you one of my favorite Ina recipes Indonesian Ginger Chicken. I know it sounds scary but trust me it is very easy and you would love it. Steam veggies and mashed potatoes complete and perfect this dish. If you are bored with the same old same old baked chicken, this is a recipe that should please everyone.

Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Yield: 4 to 6 servings

1 cup honey
3/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup minced garlic (8 to 12 cloves)
1/2 cup peeled and grated fresh ginger root
2 (3 1/2 pound) chickens, quartered, with backs removed

Cook the honey, soy sauce, garlic, and ginger root in a small saucepan over low heat until the honey is melted. Arrange the chicken in 1 layer in a shallow baking pan, skin side down, and pour on the sauce. Cover the pan tightly with aluminum foil. Marinate overnight in the refrigerator.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Place the baking pan in the oven and bake for 30 minutes. Uncover the pan, turn the chicken skin side up, and raise the temperature to 375 degrees F. Continue baking for 30 minutes or until the juices run clear when you cut between a leg and thigh and the sauce is a rich, dark brown

Copyright, 1999, The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook, All rights reserved

And like Ina always says; "Now how easy was that?"

Enjoy

Our Anniversary

Past Fears

It was at 8 weeks I had my last miscarriage so if anyone out there is praying for me, please pray for me to overcome my fears of it happening again. I am at the 8 week mark and I am afraid of history repeating. I hope it won't, I pray it would not. I believe it would not. In my quite time last week I asked God how do I exercise faith in the mist of past bad experiences. It happened then? I would let you guys know what answer I get. God is faithful to always respond, be it in a sermon, or in a reading. Thanks folks

Back From Hiatus

Hello all, I am back from a long break from the blog, for a combination of reasons; there has been a lot going on. I am about 8weeks 2days pregnant now. Initially they had found 2 sacs, but have only been able to detect one heart beat. Needless to say we are very excited. My morning sickness has not been that bad. I crave very spicy food - meaning I would rather not taste anything, I sleep for hours at a time, and I can smell absolutely everything, even the neighbor's laundry. LOL.

That has been the good side of the pregnancy. Now the not so great side. About a week and a half ago, I woke up at night to use the bathroom and found I was bleeding and passed a large mass of tissue. Initially I was scared and did not know what to think, thankfully they found my trooper's heartbeat going strong. My doctor told me that it is not abnormal to have some tissue loss with multiple pregnancies. Needless to say the bleeding has been very very depressing, because you are not supposed to bleed when you are pregnant. Well I have been on a strict bed rest to ensure the ruptured part of the uterus does spread and cut of the placenta.

This has really tested my trust in God again, which I feel is something I feel is wobbly. Why can't everything run smoothly?, why can't I control this? But this I cannot control, all I can do is stay off my feet, but sometimes that does not stop the bleeding. So really I have no control. It is hard trusting God, but what else can I do. I can be angry, not speak to Him for weeks on end, but deep in my heart I know His words are true; All things (good and bad) work together for my good, like it or not. And I have to trust in His sovereignty and not my abilities. I can't say that I like that very much but He is God and I am not and if He chooses not to fix this it must be for a reason.

Thanks to everyone who has checked in on me I really appreciate your thoughts. A burden shared is a burdened lightened.

My Husband

This past weekend I was a basket case; with me spotting and all.

This post is to tell my husband who I know sneaks here every once in a while that he is the best. He stuck with me, encouraging me and propping up my faith. Thank you babe. I am truly lucky (on some days) to be married to you. Loads of love and to many more years together. I love you.

Songs of Solomon 2: 3-6

And compared to other youths, my lover is like the finest apple tree in the orchard. I am seated in his delightful shade, and his fruit is delicious to eat. He brings me to the banquet hall, so everyone can see how much he loves me. Oh, feed me with your love--your `raisins and your `apples--for I am utterly lovesick! His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me.

Sailing Along

There is nothing much to report. I have been so busy catching up on the things that were ignored during the IVF process. Work. I have not caught up on cleaning the house. Standing gives me cramps. Well that aside. My bible study time has been focusing on Romans 12: 1-2;

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will

I read this scripture a while back and it has tayeded in my heart for a while. I have tried moving on to no avail. I find myself back here. The lesson/principle/truth hidden in the above scripture is life changing. I have thought/meditated/prayed about it, and I pray it becomes a lifestyle for me. Over the next couple of days/weeks I will try and discuss the lessons I have learned. Discuss what God reveals to me

Pregnancy: I am fine. Tired and nauseousus if I don't eat. I have another doctor'appointmentnt on Mondayay to check my HCG levels (pregnancy hormone levels), then I think I have one more blood check after that. Then an ultrasound.

Scare

It is 1:55am and I started spotting about an hour ago. Needless to say I am besides myself. I am sitting her beside my sleeping husband. We have prayed and he believes all will be well. A small part of me believes it too. Oh but if it were not true.

I believe all will be well. The spotting has stopped for now.

All I have been able to say is Jesus Jesus Jesus non stop. His name is the only thing that has calmed me. I am not going to bed yet. I can't possibly sleep. I want to wait this one out. Jesus please.

Oh and I just found out steve Irwin was dead. I loved that show. feels like I lost a friend. Loved his enthusiasm. If only we had a passion for God like that. May God grant peace to his young family.